U Boat Captain Launches Unlikely Attack On Industry Chiefs!

Christians are far from happy. They have been banned from making big toilets on the third Wednesday of every month a court heard yesterday. Due to new EU legislation the Pope will be the only personage allowed to poop at will. A U-Boat Captain was overheard telling his crew that the chairman of ICI was obviously to blame and he was prepared to and I quote: 'duff him up' at the weekend using the actor Peter Dean as a human cosh. We will bring you any further news on this story as and when it comes in!

- All of the above is probably true if you are prepared to believe that fairies live at the bottom of your garden!

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