Today actor,playboy and all round nice guy Pete(can't be beat)Beale reopened a can of seal shaped worms by repeating his outlandish claims he could amongst other things SING better than the grammy nominated scarfaced crazy singer SEAL .
Pete and his best friend Dave(dougrocket)Stewpot issued a confusing but intriguing press release yesterday stating that
1. Pete Beale is a better singer than SEAL .
2. Pete Beale had more potential fans than ELVIS .
3.That Dave and Pete were the brains behind Austrailian supergroup MENTAL AS ANYTHING and that they wrote and played there number 1 smash LIVE IT UP throughout the 1980's under fake names and faces .
4.that Michael Barrymore was a victim of the C.I.A and that Pete could sing better than ANY kind of his people. and that
5.Michael Jackson is ALIVE but not well and Pete can SING and DANCE better than the formally drug addled deceased king of popular music.
OUTBURST
The bizzare press release caused shockwaves throughout the music world with artist's clammering to deny the fantastic claims made by Pete and Dave.
SEAL has released several pictures of the enviroment dying to his followers on TWITTER in what is thought to be a direct retaliation to the press release. he also has been rumered to be writing new material for an album of soft rock with lots of singing on it thought to be called FUCK U PETE vol 1 which is seen by some as a repost to both pete and young david.
The SUPERGROUP Mental as anything have been made to come out of hiding to rebuff the allegations made by Beale & Stewpot after 3 people called the no 3 Austrailian t.v breakfast show GOOD MORNING BUTT to complain about previous peformances of the song.
The group went on the live show to call Pete a lier and they played there only hit 7 times to prove it wasn't a Pete beale original.
The estate of the late great singer, actor and cheeseburger hunter ELVIS peanutbutterPRESSLEY wouldn't comment until they had seen Pete's Facebook friends count and heard him sing .
We tried to confirm the outrageous claims with Pete and or Dave(BEEF)Stewpot at there London based office in Bristol .
FOR GODS SAKE
When asked why make these claims now and if there would be a single released soon pete said
"i've got a voice which is better than anyone and Dave has 3 synthesiser's in his garage so we recon it's our DUTY to write music better than the soft rock rubbish that Elvis or Tupac are putting out "
Dave added " we can be the next 2UNLIMITED or HADDAWAY and Pete can sing better than FERGAL SHARKEY or the bloke out of KAJAGOOGOO no fear so i recon that BIGGIE SMALLS and LENNY KRAVITZ can get lost if we upset them "
After some investigating by our fearless reporter we found the address where Dave's elderly mother lives.
After liberating the lock on the garage our reporterfound there was no signs of any music being released by the SEAL bateing duo just some casio keyboards and many old tins of paint.
This publication contacted music guru PETE WATERBOATMAN owner of the Jason Donavan back catalogue to get a quote and he said Pete Beale was fictional and that he had a lot to do with his trains and whatnot.
When we contacted x factor and zig and zag populariser Simon Cowell about this he asked who we were and how we got the number then hung up .
PROOF IF PROOF WERE NEEDED
- All of the above is probably true but then it might not be or summink! FACT!
Location:Outside
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