By Ron Awaye-Nigh (who is getting more Irish sounding even for him -Ed)
Today sad news was announced that Actor and singer Peter(the pete)Beale had contracted a rare fruit based illness in his left and right foot/feet.
The disease metatarsalbananaours nicknamed "fruity feet" by the press after Pete Beales heart wrenching public out pouring .
the former ALBION MARKET actor gave a press conference yesterday in the hope of bringing the disease to public attention.
After calling the worlds media to order Pete explained why he had decided to show the world his yellow plates in the hope that other sufferers would take comfort and or laughter from his plight.
Pete started and finished his statement with this pre prepared press piece which he had pre prepared.
" Ladies and Gentlemen i'm Pete Beale ,
There's something that i can't conceal "
" I'm going through a real ordeal
My heel has turned to banana peel"
After this poetic outburst Pete put his feet on the table and showed the assembled press packers his feet.
they were as yellow as a canary or indeed the aforementioned Banana .
Pete also showed us all how difficult his day to day life was by slipping and sliding his way out of the building banging his body and head on walls and furniture and narrowly missing his bus outside.
The B.B.C have put his Eastenders renegotiations on hold as they have a very stringent policy on fruit ,feet and contracts for Pete.
After the press conference the world of Showbiz was quick to show solidarity, sympathy and contempt for Pete's plight in equal messure.
The former POLICE front man STUNG was first to send a crymail to Pete's charity fyffesfeet.com swiftly followed by DES O CONNOR and BARRY DAVIES offering to peel the toes if it helped .
Not all messages were in support of Pete .Only foolish horses actor Nicholas Lymhurst wrote on TWITTER that
"i would rather hear les dennis fart than hear another word about petes feet ...yellow or not #letslaughatthebananaboysfeet ".
Others were less kind ,shitehouse director Michael Winnger added on his BEBO " blood i can hear dem sirens coming ...to take beals manky fruit feet away lol #bealnoffeepiesucks "
We contacted Masterchef shouting expert Gregg Wally about the phenomenon of what is known as "del monte foot disease"
but he didn't have a danny mate and told us to sling our hoooks.
We also tried to speak to leading foot experts Dr Scholl ,Dr Martin and of course Michael Foot M.P but they were all dead
or very good at keeping still.
PROOF IF PROOF WERE NEEDED.
- All of the above is probably true but then it might not be or summink! FACT!
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