Former Eastender PETE the real deal BEALE has shocked the world with his announcement that he has discovered a cure for the river dwellers nightmare Weils disease.
The formerly dead barra boy from the fictional town of Walford has created a vaccine which destroys the disease at it's geno stage .
Weil's disease is the acute human form of a bacterial infection with a raft of different names: mud fever, swamp fever,walford wet toe, haemorrhagic jaundice, swineherd's disease, bridge street flu and sewerman's flu. All are known as Leptospirosis, mild cases of which affect millions of people every year worldwide.
A cure has been in development for many years but no one had thought it was possible until the former Eastender made his stunning press release to an assembled press pack from the worlds press.
The cure was discovered by Pete at the University of Alberta, in Edmonton, North London. The cure uses a dichloroacetate, a simple drug used to treat metabolic disorders.Pete found that if he added this with chickens gizards to his off cuts of veg he could warn off any animal urine based disease with ease.
We asked Pete if the product worked and if there were any side effects ?
Pete said "Because it's so simple, it has no side effects and also requires no skill to prepare thank god ,it's just the old shit i don't want
Therefore it's relatively cheap for me to produce and will actually cure weils rather than warding it off"
When asked if he had confused the word actually with the word might Pete refused to comment. We asked if this would be availible on the NHS but Pete had got into someone else's cab and gone home.
Pete Beale also put out full page ads in all the major papers around the world .
The ads include full-page advertisements in Walford Street Journal and in Thai daily newspapers.
In response Doctors from the tv show Doctors have put out counter ads.
The ads claim generic versions of pete beale drugs are not as effective and they cite a study that shows those results.
The only problem, according to a Doctor from the tv show doctors , is that the study was never done and the results are allegedly falsified. The ad claims that locally made anti-retroviral beales weils drugs produce an unacceptable resistance rate of up to 58% (a likelihood of 58% dying with such drugs), citing a study carried out by up west University, Walfords premier medical school. In reality, Walford University never carried any such study, while a study carried out by another well known hospital, General Hospital, showed a better drug resistance rate, only 14%.
We tried to put our findings to the B.B.C but they assured me that Pete beale was fictional and so were his wonder drugs unfortunately.
- All of the above is probably true if you are prepared to believe that fairies live at the bottom of your garden... bless!
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